Haircut Hysteria

An article from iParenting Media
By Katherine Bontrager

Jenni Saliwan encountered haircut hysteria with her son a handful of years ago, but the memory remains fresh. "I definitely remember how horrible it was," says the San Diego mom. "He would kick, cry, twist and squirm relentlessly. The world's greatest bribes didn't work with him. (And who wouldn't want an ice cream sundae for dinner?) The hair stylist, who frequently works with children and knew my son, had to stop in the middle of his haircut, citing that it was too dangerous for her to continue. He was that bad."

Saliwan was at a loss after the stylist said she couldn't cut her son's hair, so she turned to a friend and former stylist for help. Unfortunately, the experience was still unbearable.

"The only solution that worked: a visor and a bottle of baby powder," says the amused mom. "He wore the visor and that kept him from seeing the falling hairs and he played with the baby powder – he poured it everywhere. Kids are funny."

Kids are funny, but most parents will agree that haircuts and unwilling little ones can be anything but. There are few tales parents tell that involve more tears than the first – or second or third – haircut. Short of sedation, how can parents make this oft repeated trip a pleasant one?

Tried-and-true Recommendations

Kim Lybrand just brought her 2-year-old in for her first haircut, and the Charleston, S.C., mom found success by taking a seat and relaxing. "The best tip I can give is to have the toddler sit in your lap and make sure that you bring a toy, preferably one that lights up or does something cool," she says. "It may be good to purchase a new little toy before you go so that it's new to the child. I've heard that there are some hair places out there that specialize in this so the toddler actually feels like they are in a really cool setting and have plenty of things to occupy them."

For Christe Bruderlin-Nelson, tear-free trims are a product of monkey see, monkey do. Simply put, the children so want to emulate their father that they watch him get his haircut and then beg to have the same done to them.

"We've had great success getting all three of our children to the hairdressers, though we don't believe in forcing a child to get a haircut if it makes them cry – seems way too trivial to be worth the emotional trauma and damage to their trust of us," Bruderlin-Nelson says. "My husband always takes the youngest child with him when he gets a haircut. His cuts are very short and so they just sit on his lap. After one or a few of these, they practically beg to get their own hair cut."

Bruderlin-Nelson says they initially took their oldest to a great place in Los Angeles, complete with little cars the kids can sit in, movies to watch, balloons and more. But in the end, this mom found all the extras didn't matter. "They love going to their daddy's place just as well, perhaps even better!" she says. "Honestly, when I hear about parents holding their kids down to cut their hair or force them into a particular pair of shoes, it breaks my heart – especially when some patience, creativity and respect for their little spirits can go so far."

Creative thinking coupled with a very patient stylist provided Maria Doyle of Braintree, Mass., with stress-free appointments. "When my son went for his first haircut, my hairdresser gave him a spray bottle to play with," she says. "He got to mist her, the mirror, etc. He was having so much fun [that] I don't think he realized his hair was being cut!"

The Professionals Weigh In

Larry Dunlap is a managing partner at Haircolorxperts in Cameron Village and Weston in North Carolina, and the author of You Can Cut Your Children's Hair, a step-by-step illustrated guide to family haircutting for download at haircuthowto.com. But he's also a dad and knows just how to make little ones handle a haircut without tears. His advice for prepping toddlers? It's important to choose the right place where the child is comfortable, he says.

"It's usually best to put them in front of a mirror so they can watch," Dunlap says. "Whether you're taking them somewhere to get their hair cut or doing it yourself, it helps to let them watch someone else get their hair cut. Children are naturally a little jealous, so if you let them observe a sibling or friend get their hair cut then there's a big possibility they'll want to get their hair cut too. Don't make a big deal out of it, though. If the child gets out of control then you should wait a few minutes to let them calm down and if that doesn't work then give up and try again another day."

If your little one seems to be handling the situation OK, Dunlap advises parents to step aside – though still within earshot for reassurance, of course. "This is because when children are spoken to they naturally turn their head in that direction," he says. "If a parent is walking around as the child is getting a haircut, then the child will likely turn his or her head in all different directions, which can be dangerous and not good for the haircut in any case. If it's necessary to be right there for the child to remain calm, then the parent should stand in front of the chair and ask the stylist where they should move so the child will turn their head when needed."

But Dunlap has one other secret weapon in his arsenal: a small rubber ball or tennis ball. "When you need your child to bend his or her head down, ask your toddler to place the ball under the chin and try and hold it there; this way the child will keep his or her head down, but it's also entertaining and is often perceived as a game," he says.

Tiffany Ward, a Great Clips Inc. education specialist, says the first key to a tear-free haircut is to explain the process before leaving home. "For example, if little Johnny is going to get a haircut, before you leave the house, explain the behavior that is expected during the haircut," she says. "'Johnny, we are going to get a haircut this afternoon at the salon. I expect while we're there, we sit in the chair, and let the stylist cut your hair. We're going to be polite, quiet and treat other people how we would like to be treated.'"

The second key is never to leave home without a favorite toy, Ward says. "Toys are means of entertainment during the haircut," she says. "Allowing your child to bring a favorite toy will give them a sense of security, keep him/her occupied and not focused on everything else that is going on during the haircut."

Finally, Ward encourages parents to reward good behavior. "When your child behaves in a way that is expected, reward with verbal praise," she says. "Your praise, as a parent, is the most valuable gift any child can receive. More than anything, children want to please their parents. Let your child know how proud you are of them for the behavior at the salon. Additionally, praise the child at home again to the other parent. Your child hearing you sing their praises to the other parent is twice as rewarding!"

Ward finds that little boys love to see Dad get his hair cut first. "The little boy can see we're not 'hurting' Daddy and the child's cut seems to go better," she says. "Since Mom's haircuts can take quite a bit longer, this often doesn't work for little girls. But something Mom can do is make sure that long hair is combed and tangle-free.

"For babies, don't get frustrated if they start to cry for both the parents and the stylist," Ward says. "Babies cry; it's how they communicate. Crying is their way of asking, 'What is going on?' In this case, the best thing is for parents and the stylist to be entertaining."

And finally, remember that children have an innate ability to pick up on your vibes. That means if you're on edge, they are more likely to be so, too. So keep your expectations and fears in check. As Dunlap says, "Success in cutting children's hair is a reasonably straight cut with no injuries."