There's no escaping it. At some point, if you're a mom to a toddler, you must face the inevitable temper tantrum in the supermarket, in the restaurant or wherever you'd least like it to happen. So rather than dreading the unavoidable, why not arm yourself with a plan for the next time your little darling turns into a little demon?
Curious Behavior
"Toddlers are never little angels in public," says Ann Douglas, 38-year-old mother of four and author of The Mother of All Baby Books John Wiley & Sons, 2002)and soon-to-come The Mother of All Toddler Books. In fact, when her son was 2, he pulled the plug on the entire cash register system while they were shopping at a local liquor store. "He was magnetically drawn to plugs and outlets," says Douglas.
"This is natural behavior for toddlers," says Robert Billingham, associate professor of human development and family studies at Indiana University. "Everything is so new, exciting, interesting and stimulating. They're simply responding in a curious sort of way."
An Ounce of Prevention
Of course the best way to handle bad behavior is to avoid it, which may seem impossible when parenting a toddler. But with a few tricks under your hat, you may be able to head it off at least some of the time. "Prevention is always the best strategy with toddlers," says Douglas.
One of the best ways to prevent bad behavior is to pay attention to your little one. Before you head to the supermarket, consider a few things: Is your toddler hungry or tired? Is he having a bad day? Is he feeling sick? It's probably best to delay your trip if the answer to any of these questions is yes. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for trouble. But if your toddler seems to be up for an outing, there are several strategies that may help to keep misbehavior at bay.
First, before you arrive, tell your toddler exactly what you expect of him and the consequences if those expectations are not met. Billingham suggests a style of parenting where a single cue lets your tot know that you're reaching your limit. That could be your tone of voice, a gesture, clapping your hands or a certain word. "There is a very clear signal to the child that very specifically says the behavior has to stop now," he says.
Another strategy is to keep your toddler entertained. Make a game out of grocery shopping, such as asking him to find an item with a certain picture on it. Douglas also suggests bringing along a "trick bag" with hand puppets and other toys that you can pull out at a moment's notice.
To Reward or Not to Reward?
Another tried and true strategy is to reward good behavior, but many parents feel like they're bribing their child. Some experts, however, believe there is no harm in a little reward as long as you don't overdo it.
Billingham feels that rewarding children is a great strategy because it teaches cause and effect. Douglas agrees. "We get rewards in adult life for good behavior," she says.
You may be thinking that rewards could get a bit expensive, but they don't have to be. Barbara Polland, professor of child and adolescent development at California State University, Northridge and author of No Directions on the Package: Questions and Answers for Parents With Children From Birth to Age 12 (Celestial Arts, 2000), suggests buying a bag of cheap party favors and then wrapping them individually in tissue paper. When you're on your way out, tell your child that after he behaves he'll get to open the gift. But be sure never to give the reward if he does not have good behavior.
Other inexpensive rewards can be activities that your child enjoys, such as stopping by the park on the way home or playing a favorite game.
Tackling Tantrums
If you've pulled out everything in your arsenal to no avail and your little one is still headed into a full-blown tantrum, don't worry. The first thing to remember is to stay calm. "If you get more and more riled up, they'll get more and more riled up," says Douglas.
The best solution for handling a tantrum is to pick your child up and take them out of the situation. "My choice would always be to remove the child from everyone and talk privately about what's happening," says Polland. She suggests taking them some place where you'll know they'll be safe and letting them thrash it out.
For example, you might put them in the car, in their car seat, and shut the door. She suggests telling the child to knock on the window when they're done, while you stand outside unbothered and acting as though you can't hear anything. According to Polland, children know they're more likely to get what they want because you don't want to be embarrassed.
One Christmas when Billingham's son was a toddler, he threw an all-out tantrum at a crowded store. Instead of getting upset, Billingham ignored him. When his son took a break, he began applauding him and told him he needed to kick the left leg harder to keep up with the right. "If you don't get embarrassed by the child's behavior, it loses all of its power," he says. His son ended up giggling, and they left the store.
The experts also caution against using physical punishment as a discipline tool because, says Polland, you're telling your child it's OK to hit. "Are we treating children the way we hope they'll treat us and each other?" she asks. Douglas says that while it's never a great discipline method, when doing it in public, you're just asking for someone to call the police.
Not-so-innocent Bystanders
So how do you deal with strangers interfering when your child is acting up? For 45-year-old Mary Schnack of Sedona, Ariz., it was something she had to deal with regularly. Her daughter, now 19, is learning disabled and suffers from ADHD. She also has problems with impulse control and understanding cause and effect.
While Schnack says she never physically disciplined her child, she did have to be firm in public such as not letting go of her hand to keep her from wandering off. "I did get reactions from people that I was abusing my child," she says. "A store clerk asked me to either stop hurting my child or leave the store."
"At some level, parents have to be aware that concern by others might in fact be an issue," says Billingham. He suggests smiling at people and making a joke about the behavior by making comments like, "Only another 15 years of this!"
And keep in mind what matters most: your relationship with your child. "How the other people view you is so less important than how you interact with your child," says Polland.
"Most of us at some point in life have been either the toddler or the frustrated mom," says Douglas. "We just have to hope that we don't end up turning into the annoyed little old lady down the road, forgetting just how challenging it can be to be that young mother."
So for now, if you're stuck in the role of frustrated parent, hang in there. With a little planning and a few deep breaths, both you and your child may come out of the situation a little wiser.
没有评论:
发表评论